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These blogs are a way to share my thoughts and insights with you. Feel free to comment and share.

Unearthed

3/8/2014

4 Comments

 
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We have taken to 'farming' in our backyard -- tomatoes, mustard greens, a variety of lettuces and herbs.  

While turning over the earth to plant, or when weeding, long lost items surface in the garden. Lumps of coal from decades back when the house had a coal furnace. Marbles. Bits of glass. Loose change.  



They seem to work their way to the surface and appear after a rain where a day earlier the earth was just earth.

This made me reflect on how everyday experiences can surface unexpected emotions:
  • An innocuous comment at work triggers tears from a colleague in the next cubicle
  • A joke at a party makes a guest turn away and withdraw
  • A simple request between friends triggers resentment that had lain dormant for years

Unexpected and unearthed emotions can feel very uncomfortable.
Especially when they seem to surface out of nowhere. And even more so when they break into a day where you were feeling just fine.  Emotions hidden and out of sight can quickly become disruptive.

These feelings often signal what is important to us at any given moment. They direct our attention to what matters.  The key is slowing down enough to feel the feeling. 

To let the feeling linger, un-interrupted and un-analyzed.

To feel it without explaining it to yourself.

Then, as it passes we can turn our attention to understanding what lies under the feeling.   

If we react too quickly and don't tune in to what the unexpected emotion is telling us, we are more likely to:
  • Do something we regret
  • Get angry or blame someone for relief
  • Intellectualize "it" and replay the same thoughts over and over
  • Distract ourselves with other thoughts or activities to shut the emotion down

Back to the loose change in the garden. A dime that turned up the other day gave me exact change for a baguette I bought for $2.10.  And the dime's unusual patina from all those years in the garden might unearth other stories, now that it's back in general circulation.

Giving you my ten cents worth,
Coach Minda
4 Comments
Gordon
3/8/2014 02:34:57 am

I really enjoy reading your blogs Minda. What is the best way to set up a coaching session with you?

Reply
Minda
4/8/2014 06:17:10 am

So glad you read and enjoy my blogs! The writing process helps me to think about issues, explore ideas and refine my own point of view. You can contact me through my CONTACT page on this website or call Coach Minda 514-791-4506

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Susan Meindl
3/8/2014 03:16:04 am

I find that it is generally the people who let themselves understand that it is ok to have feelings who seem to have the most genuine feelings of self-worth and the least anxiety and depression. People who recognise that having the appropriate feeling in regards to a particular event (happy, sad, angry) actually feels satisfying... people who realize that they can contain many feelins that come and go... and who believe that other people will survive their having these feelings... seem to be much more "stable" in the sense that they feel that they can successfully weather the bumps and buffetings of normal life. They seem to be more innerly coherent and end up having better (though sometimes fewer) relationships with people because they are more accurately "readable" and comprehensible to others too.
I believe that as human beings we are physically "made" to have feelings, that our bodies and minds are designed to handle them, that there is a point to them and that denying them or eradicating them is a very limiting strategy... and I firmly believe that it is worth the troublet to become more psychologically and emotionally "skillfull".
Sometimes this ability needs encouragement and fostering from others... friends, family... or professionals like you.
Becoming a person who can feel curious about those little moments of "un-earthing", rather than being shocked and withdrawing is enlarging to the spirit!

Reply
Minda
4/8/2014 06:23:49 am

You understand this well.

I have been doing morning meditations with a few clients and in the course of even 20 minutes one's mind wanders into thoughts, fantasies, anticipations, worries, feelings, preoccupations, and do battle with small emotional storms. Witnessing this while doing nothing but sitting, drives home that we must weather the storms - with curiosity (as you say) and equanimity.

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