BLOG; Thoughts on the business of life and work

Some sorries are easier than others

3/22/2014

This week I got riled up. At the last minute, a meeting I had re-organized my week's schedule to accommodate and had invested a lot of time preparing for, got cancelled. This meeting was important to me and there was a lot riding on it. No apology or acknowledgement of the inconvenience accompanied the cancellation.

To me, it signaled disrespect and indicated I don't matter

Many relationships, good or not-so-good, come to an end over just this issue - not saying sorry. There are a lot of reasons why it is hard to say sorry. And it can depend on the circumstances, the context and the person(s) involved.
For example, one might feel:

I have nothing to be sorry for
It’s not my fault - I didn’t do anything wrong
I hate admitting to being less than
He or she deserves it (or, now we are even)
I don't want him/her getting the upper hand
What is the big deal?

I got blinded by my anger and acted too hastily. Had I paused long enough, I would have slowed down my angry over-reaction. I know better.

Don’t let sorry be a deal-breaker.

Next time, I'll take the high road.

Coach Minda

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Are you up for the challenge of learning?

3/13/2014

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"The shoe is on the other foot" is a good expression as I go from:

being in the business of "facilitating learning" as I did for over 20 years, overseeing and creating dozens of educational or training programs across many industries - telecommunications, aerospace, transportation, pharmaceutical, human rights and higher education; to
being a "student" of ballroom dancing, and a beginner at that.

Teachers and students alike struggle to teach and learn
Learning something new is a serious challenge that is greatly enjoyed when there is a high degree of rapport, confidence and/or connection between the teacher and the student (or between therapist/patient; coach/client). And when there is a stylistic approach that clicks. These relationships take a bit of time, a bit of give and take and a sense of general goodwill on both sides.

My teacher and I both expressed impatience with one another at this week's cha cha lesson. I kept bending the wrong leg as I shifted my weight, and I couldn't master the sexy hip/pelvis swing in the rock step. Fortunately, I got the hip action in the cha cha cha steps.

I learn by doing and by fixing my mistakes over and over again; but my teacher teaches by explaining over and over again.

If I look at my best learning experiences - those where I really enjoyed learning and progressed - I would say both the teacher and I recognized our respective strengths and weaknesses. In other words, the obligation was not solely on the teacher to teach how the student best learns -- but for the student to learn from how the teacher best teaches.

So it is with all this in mind I will strive to become my teacher's best student while I believe he will strive to teach me the best way he knows how.

Keep teaching and learning,
Coach Minda

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Leading and following

3/4/2014

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The first instruction he gave in his thick Russian accent was, "on this floor, the man is the lead and the woman follows. The man sets the rhythm, decides which steps and controls the direction." In my new dress and high heel shoes, I looked him in the eyes and said, "I hear you."

Learning how to sense and respond to my teachers lead will be a challenge and once learned, an accomplishment I think.

The ballroom dance floor is going to be a hotbed of interesting lessons on leading, following, resisting, relaxing and working together. And of course all the lessons I can't yet anticipate!

Here are a few of my personal take-aways from this week:

Another way to think about following is to see it as cooperating or adapting to another persons rhythm

To be responsive, I need to stay in the moment and not anticipate my partner's lead

To be a good partner, I need to find the right balance between resistance and relaxation (neither one alone seems correct)
Besides learning the steps and the rules, I need mostly to feel the movements in my body

If you want to learn ballroom, find a dance teacher. If you want to take first steps to a new career or improve on the one you have, call Coach Minda 514-791-4506.

Keep dancing,

Coach Minda

2 Comments

Some sorries are easier than others

Are you up for the challenge of learning?

Leading and following

Coach Minda

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Feel free to call/text 514-791-4506 & email minda.miloff@sympatico.ca to set up next appointment. Sessions can also be over SKYPE or WhatsApp.

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