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These blogs are a way to share my thoughts and insights with you. Feel free to comment and share.

Four degrees colder

18/8/2014

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Speed and distance information is a valuable part of a training program to help you achieve peak performance. And if I were an athlete it would make sense that I like to track how far, fast and for how long I walk, bike or swim.

But I'm not. I just like keeping track.

For over 20-years, the first summer lake swim has been in June and the last in September. All these years, I have wanted to know the temperature of the water. Canadian lakes even when the sun warms the surface stay pretty cold.  You can feel this difference when diving.

So this summer, I invested big time in a five-dollar thermometer.  Now I check the lake's temperature before each swim.

Summer Lake Temp Report: 67-74 degrees
  • First June dive - 67 degrees. Too cold, but do-able
  • Most others days -  72 degrees. Just fine
  • One warm weekend -  74 degrees. A treat


After this weekend of rain and cooler temperatures, I was really curious how cold the lake might be before I dove in. It was 68 degrees. I spoke to the lake,  "not today, it's too cold for swimming." 

How did a drop of only four degrees from the summer-time norm of 72 to today's 68 influence my decision to forgo swimming?  
Four degrees - really?

A Mindful Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) training program I took a few years ago coupled with my own mindful efforts, let me think about it in this way.

If we try to accept things as they are without comparing and evaluating against personal bests, standards or other benchmarks, without leaning on our tendencies to view our experiences in terms of what we like and what we dislike, we can potentially free ourselves from any set expectations and just  'dive' into the experience.

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I went back down the stone stairs leading to the dock and dove in. 




I used two strategies:
  1. Mild shaming -- "if you can swim when it's 67 degrees, you can swim when it's 68 degrees."
  2. Then, with a degree of mindfulness, I said -- "it's only because you are comparing one experience to another that you are hesitating."  

Together, these two strategies worked perfectly. The water was cold and wonderful.

Warmly, but not as warm as usual,
Coach Minda

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On being a mensch

12/8/2014

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Mensch - Yiddish/German word that means "a person of integrity."

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In conversation with a distraught father about his 'difficult' teenage son, I said, "Right now, I wouldn't be concerned about what he decides to do with his life or whether he has goals. My first order of priority would be to make sure he is a mensch."

Mensch is not a word I use often. It just spilled out of my mouth and expressed exactly what I meant. This father needed to be able to respect his son for his decency, integrity and goodness --and then for his ambitions and goals.

It is easier to be a mensch when life is on an even keel. How hard is it to be good, kind and generous when there are no stresses pushing on us? When things are rocky, however, our integrity can be tested. Our own fears, lack of confidence, insecurity and impatience triggers the reflex to protect and defend our interests and conserve our energy.  And this can lead to less than mensch-like behavior.

In my opinion, trying to raise a mensch should be a central focus and preoccupation of family life. As adults, it continues to be an on-going effort: at home, at work, in the community and in our social life.

Cultivating mensch-like behavior is critical to our success and excellence at work, as well as with family and personal relationships. There is always room to strengthen character traits such as as
humility, authenticity, empathy and generosity. And,  at the same time, continue to:
  • Pay attention to,  acknowledge, validate and recognize the feelings of others
  • Manage emotions and pay attention to the quality of our interactions 
  • Take the high road even when the other road is closer
  • Resolve and face challenges with dignity

Coach Minda


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Unearthed

3/8/2014

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We have taken to 'farming' in our backyard -- tomatoes, mustard greens, a variety of lettuces and herbs.  

While turning over the earth to plant, or when weeding, long lost items surface in the garden. Lumps of coal from decades back when the house had a coal furnace. Marbles. Bits of glass. Loose change.  



They seem to work their way to the surface and appear after a rain where a day earlier the earth was just earth.

This made me reflect on how everyday experiences can surface unexpected emotions:
  • An innocuous comment at work triggers tears from a colleague in the next cubicle
  • A joke at a party makes a guest turn away and withdraw
  • A simple request between friends triggers resentment that had lain dormant for years

Unexpected and unearthed emotions can feel very uncomfortable.
Especially when they seem to surface out of nowhere. And even more so when they break into a day where you were feeling just fine.  Emotions hidden and out of sight can quickly become disruptive.

These feelings often signal what is important to us at any given moment. They direct our attention to what matters.  The key is slowing down enough to feel the feeling. 

To let the feeling linger, un-interrupted and un-analyzed.

To feel it without explaining it to yourself.

Then, as it passes we can turn our attention to understanding what lies under the feeling.   

If we react too quickly and don't tune in to what the unexpected emotion is telling us, we are more likely to:
  • Do something we regret
  • Get angry or blame someone for relief
  • Intellectualize "it" and replay the same thoughts over and over
  • Distract ourselves with other thoughts or activities to shut the emotion down

Back to the loose change in the garden. A dime that turned up the other day gave me exact change for a baguette I bought for $2.10.  And the dime's unusual patina from all those years in the garden might unearth other stories, now that it's back in general circulation.

Giving you my ten cents worth,
Coach Minda
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