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These blogs are a way to share my thoughts and insights with you. Feel free to comment and share.

The bell that rings at night

23/11/2014

6 Comments

 

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When I learned  my oldest and dearest friend would need colorectal surgery following chemo and radiation, I assigned myself the responsibility for being his nurse during the first week back at home from the hospital.  Having had lots of first-hand experience taking care of family following their surgeries, I knew something he didn't - you do need help and lots of it.

Being a private and independent person, I wasn't so sure he would want this intrusion, but he gratefully agreed.

I arrived with a pot of chicken soup. 
And, homemade apple sauce made from the finest honeycrisp apples. A bit of chocolate.

We spent our days quietly. When I wasn't preparing food, making tea, doing dishes or a few loads of laundry, we would pass the days:

  • meditating
  • listening to music
  • googling our conversation topics ranging from -  El Greco to Goya; the differences between tendons, ligaments and fascia; drug interactions and dosages and,
  • reminiscing about our lives
I stayed in this small colorful room. Books overhead and lining each wall. Lots of small things tucked away in corner nooks.

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The nursing station
Returning from the hospital, the first thing I did was  set up a makeshift nursing station so I could perform my 'nursing' duties preparing various medications, the strongest being the opoids. A small light stayed on all night so when he  rang a bell in the middle of the night, I felt secure he was getting the right pill and the right dose! And, a glass of water to take them. The paper and pencil for charting the time and dose.

In my professional life, I have worked many years with oncology pharmacists, managing the development and implementation of continuing medical education programs. I hold them in high regard for their deep body of knowledge, expertise and dedication to their work. For even more years, I have collaborated with nurses. Behind the nursing station (see photo), I could pretend I was part pharmacist and part nurse - professions, I deeply respect.

This is what I feel:
No one should come home and be alone after surgery or after serious illness. Real healing comes from true rest. We need to recover our physical strength and endurance to do even the basic things like making tea or coffee, cooking or washing dishes. But something more -  the comfort we get from being taken care of. Being cared for is a basic need. Feeling loved is at the heart of healing.

If you know someone who needs a bit of care, do it!

In health and happiness,

Coach Minda
6 Comments
Charles Levin
23/11/2014 12:34:48 pm

Dear Minda,
These moments in your life and relational history are extremely poignant. In a few words, you share their delicate textures, evoking painful, and also voluptuous, life-affirming emotions.
I am inspired and grateful.
Warmly,
Charles

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Coach Minda
25/11/2014 02:54:36 am

I forgot to mention that I charged him 100 dollars an hour! Ha ha..

Yes, indulgence in friendship and love are great pleasures indeed. Thank you Charles for your unique form of expression.

Reply
charles Levin
25/11/2014 03:06:28 am

Hola!

Richard Childs
24/11/2014 07:08:14 am

Dear Minda,
What a gift you were given, you gave your dear friend and you shared with us. Yours is the highest order of humanity. You have touched my life.
"To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts." Henry David Thoreau, Walden

With gratitude,
Richard

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Coach Minda
25/11/2014 02:58:16 am

You are too kind...Richard. I wanted to drive home the idea that people we know need help and support and that we should do our best to provide it. Especially, when someone has experienced the 'trauma' of illness. And, there is pleasure that comes from being there for someone, especially when you get to stay in a 'cool' little room.

Reply
Linda
28/11/2014 04:40:24 pm

I wonder if there has been any research on the nature of support. For example, it may also be that the person receiving support is simply getting a level of physical care that is superior to what they would be getting otherwise and that helps; or they are able to converse and have talk about things that are important to them in their vulnerable state. Perhaps, that is related also to feeling loved. I also wonder how people vary in their needs. I also liked you point about what caregivers gain from giving. Thanks for sharing.
I hope if I ever have a problem you are able to take care of me. :)

Linda

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