Formal negotiations are a key part of communication — in law, business, politics and war (when the fighting is over, that is).
Informal negotiations are an everyday part of our lives — at work, at home and in our important relationships. I am not an expert in the art of negotiation. I'm not sure I'm even good. But I have been working hard over the years to develop a few of the key skills and techniques required to create more win-win outcomes. Here are my top four:
Willard Harley, a marriage counsellor and clinical psychologist who teaches couples a win-win approach to negotiation, explains in his book He Wins She Wins the following: Marriages do not hold up over the long term when disputes and differences are generally resolved by having one partner sacrifice/lose so the other partner can win. While sacrifice as a strategy can work well when you are dating (i.e., who hasn't spent time doing things you really didn't have an interest in during the early days?), it doesn't take much time before sacrifice/losing becomes both expected and unappreciated. Letting your spouse "win" as an act of caring usually leads to one partner being unhappy and resentful. Bit by bit, it eats away at loving relationships. Both parties need to be willing in good faith to reach an agreement that satisfies both sides. Add this:
The art of negotiation is way more complicated. But in simplistic terms, these skills and techniques go a very long way toward improving our ability to:
Negotiate well, Coach Minda For more insights into listening and understanding another persons point of view, check out two blogs: The Wandering Mind & The Art of Perspective
7 Comments
Lisa
25/2/2014 01:41:50 pm
Hi Minda,
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Minda
25/2/2014 02:00:32 pm
Hi Lisa,
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Minda
26/2/2014 12:57:29 am
Glad you liked the post. I appreciate and agree with the idea that sacrifice isn't a viable solution to long term happy relationships. He also seems to view the supremacy of our primary relationships (spouses) and that all decisions need to satisfy both partners. At this point, it starts to feel like "sacrificing" to me..... Thanks Cheryl
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Danielle
11/3/2014 12:11:52 pm
Without interruption..resist the desire to be right...outch! Not always easy. I will read this over and over Minda and ...I will make my husband read it too LOL! Great posting !
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Minda
13/3/2014 03:43:46 am
Not easy at all!! I don't know where we learned that being right is right.... thanks Danielle
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Stephanie
14/1/2021 08:37:28 pm
My marriage was restored few weeks ago..by_________________ Robinsonbuckler11@ gmail com………
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My family, relationships, movement, nature, flexibility of mind, exploration of alternative perspectives & openness are central to my life.Archives
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