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These blogs are a way to share my thoughts and insights with you. Feel free to comment and share.

Remembering Anna

14/6/2015

15 Comments

 
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I was a teenager the first time I met Anna in her St. Famille apartment in Montreal, just a bit south
of what is now the trendy Plateau area.

She accepted my offer to babysit her three young children so she could teach a night class at McGill.



With a background in English and Philosophy, she cobbled together teaching contracts to support her family
as a single-mother.  She was tall, slim, blond-haired and beautiful with a laugh that sometimes verged on cackle. Our decades of friendship began on this night.

Before meeting Anna, I didn’t know mothers who:

  • Raised kids on their own
  • Were 100% unwavering, unflinching and immoveable to children’s protests – of any kind
  • Always had ready supplies of coffee, cigarettes and wine and were happy to share these with me – My mother sure didn’t
  • Didn’t have a lot of food in the fridge or in the cupboard
  • Were existentialists with shelves lined with philosophy books – Kierkegaard and Nietzsche being the ones I remember 
  • Talked openly and sometimes for effect, shockingly about love and sex
  • Used only hand made ceramic dishware made by local potters
  • Wore long skirts, big belts and flowy tops with original jewelry pieces

Over the years she had other homes in Montreal and I was given a key and a bed anytime I wanted to overnight. I spent most of my time at her Prince Albert street, Westmount home.

Anna passed away this week in PEI, surrounded by her adult children and Jacob, her long time partner and more recently husband, who came to Canada from Holland. He took exceptional care of her these last years and months.

She had COPD - chronic obstructive pulmonary disease – a progressive lung disease that makes it difficult to breathe and which gets worse over time. She had been tethered to an oxygen pump for over a year and continued smoking right till the end.

Last summer, believing it might be the last time we would see her, my husband and I drove out to her farmhouse that overlooks St. Peters Bay. Over twenty years earlier she bought a broken down old building and turned it into an exceptional home with beautiful grounds: gorgeous garden and vegetable beds, surrounded by trees she planted from seeds.

PictureOn a train in Morocco
At the dinner table, Jacob asked us both – “how come the two of you have remained friends for all these years?”

We looked at one another, not sure who had the answer.




I said, “It’s a good question. We appear on the surface to have nothing in common don’t we Anna? We are so different in temperament.  I think the glue that binds us has been deep acceptance for one another. And love. We have never tried to change or adjust the other." 


Anna added, “We are both curious about people. And, I think we both believe it is sinful if you are not true to yourself."

Anna befriended almost anyone. She believed in personal freedom and choice. It didn’t matter if she agreed or not with your beliefs or ideas. She might even find you more interesting if you held a different point of view. Anna was generous particularly in that she accepted you just as is.

And, generosity is one quality I love.

With love and admiration,
Minda


Coach Minda - provides confidential coaching services in Montreal, and internationally by telephone or by SKYPE.  Coaching focuses on life-work issues.

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15 Comments
Richard Childs
15/6/2015 02:57:48 am

November 26, 2005
ebbing, tired, restrained…
essence, vitality, values
bestowed to you, yours

Thank you Minda, my mother received the COPD diagnosis just yesterday. You gave it and life meaning.
Richard

Reply
Coach Minda link
16/6/2015 02:17:38 am

Sorry to hear Richard. This is not easy news.

Reply
Judy
15/6/2015 08:17:20 am

Sorry for the loss of such a friend, Minda. Anna sounds like a character from a rollicking novel! I think you've described solid, lasting relationships well: acceptance, generosity, curiosity about each other and mutual admiration. We are lucky to find those people'

Reply
Coach Minda link
16/6/2015 02:22:19 am

Yes, a character for sure! I have been fortunate to know such people in my life. The basis for these long lasting relationships I agree with you has much to do with acceptance, generosity etc. Thanks Judy

Reply
Karl
15/6/2015 09:54:49 am

I think you were bound by the common values of curiosity and acceptance. Sometimes admiration of some different creates an attraction and given that both of you had respect for each other, it sounds like you were able to enjoy and ignore your differences. But I guess there was a very powerful bonding on at least some core values.
Thank you of sharing this wonderful story. Your writing style is wonderful...you present this without judgement, like a rich, multi-dimensional photograph...
thanks

Reply
Coach Minda link
16/6/2015 02:27:10 am

Thank you Karl! I'm thinking too (in all honesty) it is probably easier to ignore differences when one's life isn't too entangled in the others. It allows for respect and admiration to grow without judgements and criticisms getting in the way.

Reply
Maury Miloff
15/6/2015 11:25:50 am

Ahhhhh, what a moving tribute. With the right poignant love song in the background. And photos too. I played the song a second and third time as I wrote this comment. Your posting could also have been called 'The Question'. 'What attracts us to each other?' All the great literature and probably every individual's personal speculations, fevered or otherwise, have ventured to know, ultimately with no clear final answer. The mystery intact. Your short story suggests to me that the new authentic role model she offered you at a critical point in your own development might have been important, along with the love, support, generosity and acceptance she provided. As Norah Jones sings: "Come away where they can't tempt us with their lies". We often conclude about such matters of the heart -- we don't know the answer but it was real and it lasted and it was good.

Thanks for opening up your heart and mind to and for us.
m

Reply
Coach Minda link
16/6/2015 02:35:44 am

I too keep playing this song.It's gorgeous. It's interesting how we overlook perceived flaws, shortcomings, foibles of some people and get agitated by the same in some others. Not fair really! Who we are attracted to I agree has much to do with "where we are at" in our own lives. Thanks Maury.

Reply
Deborah
16/6/2015 02:04:36 pm

Here's a toast to all the Anna's in our lives! Thanks Minda, for this moving story.

Reply
Coach Minda link
16/6/2015 02:24:23 pm

Yes, let's do that Deborah, thank you!

Reply
Jeffrey Timmerthin
19/6/2015 02:52:03 am

Lovely and meaningful.

Reply
Danielle Charron
2/7/2015 12:20:00 pm

What a great portrait you made of your good friend Minda. She really seems like a wonderful and interesting person! I can see how you both got along together !
You must feel very sad...Big hug to you.

Reply
Minda
3/7/2015 03:03:58 am

Thank you Danielle. She was an important person in my life that's for sure. I'm glad she is no longer suffering.

Reply
Patrice
12/7/2015 07:39:42 pm

Very touching story Minda. It may be that gratitude for what happened, eventually helps with the pain for what is lost

Reply
Coach Minda link
18/7/2015 03:26:23 am

Merci Patrice.

Reply

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