On making decisions

Some decisions are really complicated and we, suffer immeasurably to figure it out.

Who hasn't had angst about whether he/she should?

• Quit a job
• Move to a new location
• Stop having a beating heart for someone
• Say goodbye to a friend or leave a long-term relationship

When we want to decide and we aren't sure of what is the best decision, uncertainty kicks in and starts our thoughts swirling around and around in our head. How do we know if and when it's okay to quit or to walk away? Or to invite something new into our lives?

We ask ourselves a hundred variations on these kinds of questions:

• Did we explore all the options?
• Were we fair or reasonable in our expectations?
• Did we really give it our best?
• Do we need to be courageous and try something new or are we to persevere in light of our challenge?
• Should we trust that things will work out or are we being dysfunctionally hopeful?
  

We try different methods to problem solve. The first line of defence often goes to  making imaginary columns of pros and cons, advantages and disadvantages or risks and benefits. When the answer still doesn't conclusively reveal itself, or we are still reluctant to take action, we can ask what does our heart or intuition or body have to say. Other tried and true ways to find the "best" decision are looking for signs in our dreams. Or meditate. Or, go for long walks communing with nature. Or, ask all our friends for their thoughts on what we should do.

I like to think that as we gain more experience with difficult decisions, we shift our perspective from judging them as good or bad, right or wrong or this or that and instead, recognize the paradox of duality.

I think we might find a more creative approach and less painful one if we can see the worth of all options. We don't need to be strictly for one side or against the other. If we can respectfully value the different voices clamoring for a part in the decision (our attention), we can respond with a heart and mind more at ease and with a fuller and more mature insight.

This process of making a decision and the result of our decision, I feel leaves us less conflicted and more mentally calm. I think too, this approach leaves us  more resilient if our decision doesn’t work out according to our expectations.

I'd like to hear your stories or thoughts on making  decisions...when both sides seem strongly compelling.

In duality,
Coach Minda