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These blogs are a way to share my thoughts and insights with you. Feel free to comment and share.

Life after death

10/12/2013

20 Comments

 
A year ago today my daughter, then 17, and I left for Mumbai and spent five weeks traveling on our own in Southern India. Even though the trip was preceded by months of onerous travel preparations, serious concerns about getting sick, and worries about whether such a costly trip would be worth it, my memories are even sweeter with time. This trip ranks very high in my good decisions book. A once-in-a-lifetime trip with my daughter was worth every penny.

It was a trip born of grief. I had spent the previous year taking care of my parents, who died within six months of one another. My dying mother was afraid of sleep and afraid of death. She lay awake each night, tense, and in great discomfort. Each narcotic patch and pill brought unkind side effects. For months non-stop, it was a war on two fronts: unrelenting pain from cancer and endless side effects from medications. It was my father who unexpectedly died first. Suffering from shortness of breath, swollen feet, distended stomach and nausea, he died of heart failure in a hospital bed. After that year of being a daily witness to chronic pain and anxiety, and having two people in their eighties totally reliant on me, I was exhausted.

But a month of travel in India (and then Amsterdam) had me smiling on the inside as we visited Mumbai, Tamil Nadu, Kerala and Goa. I was in exceptionally high spirits.

In India you can't avoid the smell and sight of burning plastics in public spaces; the daily power cuts and lack of water; the endless piles of garbage and cast-off construction materials; the roads congested with people, bikes, mopeds, rickshaws, taxis and trucks. The honking is non-stop and the drivers excessively fast.

But there is another side to India, and it is far from token. I hugely enjoyed the stone temples and the fabulous deities carved into ancient rocks; the spice plantations and tea estates;  the rain forest hikes and the sunset beaches of Goa.   I enjoyed even more the interactions with the locals, meeting other travellers, and having my daughter with me.

In a big way, it’s the women of South India, with their long black hair, shining from coconut oil and wrapped in saris of glorious colours and patterns, that are the real beauty of this country. But, such hard lives they have.   

I have simplified below a conversation that helped me accept the initial worries and concerns that plagued me about my trip. 

Q: What if I don’t like India, or my daughter doesn’t like it or, we don’t have a good time after spending so much money?

A: The worse that can happen is you don’t like it!


So it is with this wonderful memory still fresh in my mind that I tell you what this trip taught me about living life more fully: When you have a whim to do something, do it, and don't worry too much about the risks.

Have a happy and healthy holiday season. Thank you readers for sending encouraging notes about the blogs. And thank you for all the comments. I'll be back in 2014!

Keep you posted,
Coach Minda

Visit my updated website coachminda.com – and don’t hesitate to share, post or tweet any page.

Please spread the word about my coaching services -- most of my clients have come through referrals, word of mouth and electronic word of mouth (AKA social media).

20 Comments
Cindy Westcott
11/12/2013 12:04:49 am

Thank you Minda for your beautiful, insightful writing. Early morning, sitting at my desk at work, cup of tea, it is a pleasure to read this. Cheers to you, sweet friend. (....when are you writing that book?)

Reply
Minda
11/12/2013 06:01:16 am

It's really lovely to hear from strangers and friends that they like a blog. Thanks for taking time out to say so. That book is on the back burner.... for a long time I think. I wrote a few short stories though!

Reply
carole
11/12/2013 01:24:59 am

Lovely Minda.
I was reminded of the last year I spent with my Dad. His body had quite given up on him and although he didn't have cancer his lungs were very comprimised and the plethora of drugs he was on also caused him great discomfort from side effects. What a cocktail they had him on! I remember distinctly watching him being 'tired of living but afraid to die'. Thank you for sharing this insightful uplifting post.
Love to you xox

Reply
Minda
11/12/2013 06:06:33 am

Anyone who has been a part of a friend or family members dying "journey" understands the fear of dying and the lack of energy for living. It's this juxtaposition of living and dying that is so hard I think. And, yes those medications! Thanks for your thoughtful post.

Reply
Kay Chin link
11/12/2013 06:28:09 am

Hey Minda, I can imagine travel to those places simply through your gift of writing. Your story with your parents also reminded me mine, we lost of them 21 days apart. It's amazing how many of us gone through similar experience. This, has brought me closer to you.

Thank you for sharing!

Reply
Minda
11/12/2013 06:40:40 am

21 days! Shockingly close.
Friends and strangers have a lot more in common than not - we share a lot of similar experiences. Thanks so much Kay for your post!

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Oog
11/12/2013 08:32:56 am

A very fine comment on India ! Thank you .

Reply
Minda
11/12/2013 08:37:38 am

Not an easy place to capture in a few words. I am glad you enjoyed.

Reply
Danielle
11/12/2013 11:56:47 am

I saw you tired, saw you sad, saw you stressed but never saw you giving up and always saw you focussing to give the best support and help to your parents. Your enormous love for them meets your enormous love for life . As you gave the best of you ( and all your love) to ease their deaths, you give now the best you can ( and all your devotion) to ease our living . Looking forward to read you again and again Minda.

Reply
Minda
11/12/2013 01:25:22 pm

What a beautiful post Danielle! With much appreciation truly, Minda

Reply
Ev
12/12/2013 12:47:45 am

Your writing is awesome, poignant, humorous, wise-all in abundance!

Reply
Minda
12/12/2013 12:49:16 am

Compliments don't get better than this! You made my day.
Much thanks Ev

Reply
Danielle R. Shapazian
22/12/2013 05:18:40 pm

I thought your writing in this post was lovely. Here's to a great 2014! I have good feelings for you and what might be in store! :-)

Reply
Minda
24/12/2013 08:43:43 am

Danielle, thank you for dropping by the site and your warm wishes. Looking forward to 2014!

Reply
Peter Cook
27/12/2013 01:15:53 pm

Great blog Minda and great comments. Such highs and such lows, so close together. Life is a roller coaster. We realise all this stuff is coming but somehow we are still never quite prepared for it. But stick to the roller coaster Minda, It's better than the merry-go-round. Love and Happy New Year.

Reply
Minda
27/12/2013 02:58:22 pm

What a great line - "stick to the roller coaster, it's better than the merry-go-round"

Thanks so much for dropping by, saying hello and contributing to the conversation.

A great year to you Peter

Reply
Derek
5/1/2014 03:40:30 am

Minda,
I can't thank you enough. Our last conversation shone a powerful light into a period of confusion which was sapping my productivity and making me anxious. Clarity brought relief, but perhaps even more important, was the simple routine we worked out which, I am happy to say, I initiated this morning to kick the year off right. Feeling wonderful and empowered.

Reply
Minda link
6/1/2014 04:31:31 am

Wow Derek! What a great beginning for a new year. How we can deeply know what makes us feel good and somehow forget or avoid it, is a funny thing. So glad you are back on track. Door is always open...Appreciate greatly your feedback.

Reply
Laura Malbogat link
10/1/2014 03:31:29 pm

Hi Minda,
I read the last three posts and was particularly moved by this one, Life After Death. Very visual images that capture what words sometimes do not do as eloquently. I appreciated the inner dialogue you describe about...what if the trip is this or that...and how we can sometimes worry relentlessly about all the what ifs....
Instead ....When you have a whim to do something, do it, and don't worry too much about the risks. That line spoke to me.
The greatest risk is sometimes when we choose to not - risk and then it is too late.
Keep sharing....
Laura

Reply
Minda
11/1/2014 03:54:14 am

I suppose in some situations, throwing caution to the wind is not advised and a whim should remain a whim as the risks are too high. But, it's true too as you say, the greatest risk sometimes is when we choose not to.. I suppose it's how high the stakes are in whether we act or not. Thanks so much for adding to the conversation.

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