Some sorries are easier than others

3/22/2014

This week I got riled up. At the last minute, a meeting I had re-organized my week's schedule to accommodate and had invested a lot of time preparing for, got cancelled. This meeting was important to me and there was a lot riding on it. No apology or acknowledgement of the inconvenience accompanied the cancellation.

To me, it signaled disrespect and indicated I don't matter

Many relationships, good or not-so-good, come to an end over just this issue - not saying sorry. There are a lot of reasons why it is hard to say sorry. And it can depend on the circumstances, the context and the person(s) involved.
For example, one might feel:

I have nothing to be sorry for
It’s not my fault - I didn’t do anything wrong
I hate admitting to being less than
He or she deserves it (or, now we are even)
I don't want him/her getting the upper hand
What is the big deal?

I got blinded by my anger and acted too hastily. Had I paused long enough, I would have slowed down my angry over-reaction. I know better.

Don’t let sorry be a deal-breaker.

Next time, I'll take the high road.

Coach Minda

6 Comments

Coach Minda

Building and sustaining relationships is central to my life. It is important to see people and things as they really are. I enjoy lots of different people and enjoy free and open discussions. I thrive on helping people resolve problems, turn around difficult relationships and see an optimistic future when others are stuck.

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Cheryl Poulin

3/22/2014 06:46:08 am

It takes a lot of practice to not react. To breathe and sit with our feelings...and then to take the high road. I think we're all working on it and improving bit by bit.

Minda

3/23/2014 04:21:43 am

It is a delicate balance isn't it? Sometimes an action is required - but it is best when we can consciously choose our response and not REACT! Thanks Cheryl

Jacques Sirgent link

3/22/2014 10:22:18 am

Greetings Minda I punched two guys in my life prior to opening the museum and which priompted me to do so. High ranking executives who had created a widely spread game consisiting on betting how many days it would take to have their secreatary have a nervous breakdown, he who won got invited to lunch in one of Paris' most expensive restaurants. When two executives invited me to celebrate their 'victory', i had no other choice than to hit them. I was then a burnt out case in many important companies where i had been teaching. No regretd, vampires are the least fearful creratures of the imagination and legends are but an anti depression kit in a hostile environment. Take care Minda, what you lived end endured today is a widespread practice

3/23/2014 04:26:09 am

Well Jacques, those bums deserved to be knocked out! I hope the Vampire Museum with all its creatures are protecting you and its visitors from the outside hostile environment! Thanks for the support.

Richard Childs

3/22/2014 12:20:16 pm

Minda,
In the nano second between the vulgar stimulus and our emotional response, I think there are two things we must do as change agents.
One is to acknowledge and validate our reaction. I was done wrong, I deserve better...
The second is derived from Viktor Frankl's lessons to force ourselves to consider our immediate desires (retribution) against our long-term objectives (get the business, enable the potential...) This reflection produces alternative behaviours, that may satisfy both legitimate needs. Frankl taught us the victim actually had the power of choices and I would like to add dignity.

Thank you Minda

3/23/2014 04:34:46 am

I am glad you mention that we are right to acknowledge when we feel hard done by ...when someone's actions are hurtful or unkind. Courtesy and fairness are critical social lubricants. And no person wants to be treated poorly.

But yes, the power of choice reigns supreme... and for this reason, taking a pause allows us to see alternative explanations which also includes recognizing that people have so many constraints, most of which we don't even know.

I remember reading Man's Search For Meaning (VF) and wishing I could talk to him in person. Thanks Richard

Some sorries are easier than others