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These blogs are a way to share my thoughts and insights with you. Feel free to comment and share.

Ain't miscommunicating

22/4/2015

4 Comments

 
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An article I read a few days ago, How to influence the way other people see you, explains how there are only minor correlations between how you think you are viewed and how people view you.

"What matters about you, to someone else, is whatever has most meaning for them – not for you."

If you have the feeling that you are not getting through to someone, good chance you aren't!

The article triggered a memory.

I was working on two large healthcare projects:
  1. Developing a partnership framework for working with external partners. A colleague from the IT department and I from the Health Education department were charged with writing a first draft of the framework. We had a pile of source materials. Neither of us had any experience in the type of thinking required for this work. And we both were very motivated to do a great job. 
  2. Preparing a workshop on how to apply constructivist theories to the design of continuing medical education programs. Instinctively, I knew I was a constructivist, but didn't understand it well enough to teach even after months researching the topic. The workshop was approaching and I was nervous.

Constructivism is a view of learning
based on the belief that knowledge isn't a thing that can be simply given by the teacher at the front of the room to students at their desks. Rather, knowledge is constructed by learners; they are the builders and creators of meaning and knowledge.


Here is what happened:

  • My IT colleague agreed that I would write the first draft of the partnership framework and he would provide feedback. We would then develop our draft in an iterative manner, going back and forth. 
  • He read my initial draft and felt nothing I wrote had merit or meaning for him so he made changes throughout.
  • I was ticked off, to be polite about it. I felt I had written a great first draft and couldn't believe he had dismissed everything.
  • In spite of being upset, I was trying to understand his perspective -- and in so doing I was reflecting my many months of researching constructivism. 
  • My research led me to understand we learn in relationship to what we already know, what we believe, our biases, prejudices and fears.
  • Our respective backgrounds -- IT and education -- significantly influenced how we interpreted the problem and the solution.
  • Eventually, all the ideas I initially presented were reabsorbed into the draft.

After all this I understood constructivist theory well enough to lead a workshop, with confidence and conviction. I also became more sensitive to how so many of our
misunderstandings and miscommunications are rooted in the fact that each of us generates our perceptions of the world and those they encounter
through a unique lens.


Coach Minda

4 Comments
Lisa
22/4/2015 02:35:35 pm

Love it. Minda you always manage to find the perfect topics that many of us can relate to! Thanks for posting. Just wanted to say you are on my mind. We will touch base soon! Happy your workshop was a success:)

Reply
Coach Minda
22/4/2015 02:46:58 pm

Your're the best Lisa! I've been thinking of you too.

Reply
Susan Meindl
22/4/2015 11:00:08 pm

I love the idea that what we think people think of us is not necessarily what they think of us. I can think of a few people who would be helped by recognizing that.

Out of the mouth of babes:

When my eldest daughter was about five or six, I remember a conversation in the car one day where the question was asked generally "Would you like to know what your friends really thought of you?" Her reply was "No, because maybe the things that they liked about me, would not be the same things that I liked about me."
That is of course the more positively valenced version of the concern.

Reply
Coach Minda
23/4/2015 01:26:57 am

Susan, I love the idea too! And, especially love what your daughter said and thought at 5!

Another story in a workplace setting that I thought was really telling, was about a boss who was being coached on how to radiate more friendliness, warmth and connection with her direct reports. A 3rd party observer noted she was doing a good job but when they asked for feedback from her employees, they said it wasn't the real thing and what she radiated was a dismissive, arrogant and lack of respect attitude. She was blind to what her body language, tone and attitude was leaking out...She was then coached on how to change her thinking underlying her behavior. This led eventually to changes in her feelings and how she behaved and feedback about her changed dramatically.

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