Eye of the storm

One focus of my work is helping clients to understand how and why difficult emotions get whipped up in them. Another is finding more insightful, productive and positive ways to respond.

Imagine a situation that pushes your buttons. 

Maybe you have a thesis to write, a presentation to give, a legal case to defend, a sticky conversation to be had, too much or too little work, or, a cold call to a prospective employer. Or, maybe you are smack in the middle of a traffic jam, caught up with whining kids or feel under attack by an aggressive colleague.  

As we feel more emotional and upset (insecure, irritated, annoyed, nervous or scared stiff- take your pick) we get more reactive.

In varying degrees, we might for example:

• Feel tightness in our body, a racing heart or a dry mouth
  
• Say or do something we might regret
• Justify our actions: "They had it coming to them."
• Repeat fearful and self-defeating thoughts: "I can’t do this." 
  
• Procrastinate and avoid
  

Difficult motions come on fast and furious. Or, they can build up slowly, until we feel them as overwhelming. These thoughts and feelings we don't choose. But, we do have a say in how we act and respond.

If you want to have a say in how you react, try these suggestions:

• Breathe in a more relaxed way and slow down 
  
• Notice and observe what pushes your buttons or challenges you emotionally 
  

• Experience your emotions as neither good nor bad: You might say - "I notice I’m getting worried again…."
  
• Replace negative self-talk with reassuring words: "I can handle this."
  
• Connect your reactions to where they come from and why: Go beyond the obvious - "I wonder what this is really about?"
  
• Learn what pushes your buttons: "What am I really reacting to?"
  
• Ask how your reactions get in the way of being the person you want to be?  

In the heat of the moment or even after a slow burn of emotion, self-awareness and self-control offers a vantage point - a bit of space to step back and choose how to respond to something or someone.  

How do you handle strong emotions? Do your buttons get pushed?


Keep you posted,

Coach Minda

Please share your thoughts and strategies in the comments. If you found this post useful, I’m inviting you to share it with others!